When I mention to a guy that I'm a dating blogger, I typically get one of two reactions: 1) complete terror, and 2) overly excited. In talking to my dating blogger friends, it seems that I'm not alone. And it is a little different to date someone who is this degree of open about dating and, sometimes, sex. Where they are willing to share some of the dumb and embarrassing mistakes they've made. And how complete strangers are invested in their stories about love.
But, it's okay. Really, I promise. Here's all you have to do.:
- Be confident. This is a pretty big one. You're probably going to be able to easily read about other relationships/experiences a dating blogger has had. We really can't hide as much as your average dater. We're an open blog. This also means that you might be worked into future stories. Actually, it's almost a guarantee. For me, I call on experiences to serve as examples when I'm talking about larger relationship lessons or theories. I tend to only write about people that I've had a serious encounter with and keep the whole story focused on what I learned from it, rather than spotlighting on this person. There are also dating bloggers that use a kiss-and-tell diary-style writing, which means that you're probably going to get written about in a much more intimate way. It's like dating any sort of creative person. What they experience in their life is going to make its way into their work. Right now, you are a factor in how they experience life and that, at some point, will need to be expressed.
- Date like you normally would. It might seem like you're under some added pressure to go out with someone who has turned the act of going out into a type of profession. I've gone out with guys who go to extra lengths to impress "the dating blogger," which is definitely really nice. It's just that when you are dating someone longer term you can't keep up an act the whole time. Be nice and do your typical dating thing, but be yourself. That's really important regardless of who you are taking out.
- Show interest. You guys, I performed at a really cool storytelling event last night and a guy I have been "talking to" didn't ask to go and hasn't asked how it went. He didn't really even ask what it was. I mentioned it a couple times. It was posted all over social. I mean. Come on. Maybe it can seem a little frivolous to write about "boys and kissing," but this is the point from which all other opportunities have sprung. A dating blogger is probably not just a dating blogger. You make appearances. You go to events. You do meet-and-greets. You collaborate. You sell, you build, you create. For me, that's been being named a Top Single by Today's Chicago Woman, co-hosting the KISS-FM Morning Show, podcasting and being invited to do these amazing storytelling events. I don't care if I'm crocheting cat hats. The man I'm with needs to care about how I'm investing my life. Maybe you don't read everything your dating blogger writes, but you definitely should ask about it. Maybe you'd don't always understand the world that they are part of, but you always, always show up. Even if you've seen their act a million times, you freaking go to that shit. One of the best parts about being in any relationship is when you are each excited about what the other person is doing.
- Be ready to experiment. If I'm writing about dating and the person that I'm dating is you, you're basically my silent partner in this endeavor. Personally, I'm not a sex blogger, but the most pitched items to Accidentally Sexy are lubes (top on the list by far) and sex toys. That's not what I write about here, but I'm guessing other dating bloggers are getting the same pitches. As the plus one, you've got to be willing to be a little curious. Once, I was sent a workout video that was meant to be exercises for couples to do together. It wasn't anything erotic or super unusual. The guy I was dating refused to try it with me just because he didn't like to do anything related to what I was writing. That was a really big problem. When you're with a dating blogger, this whole dating thing you're doing is a pretty big focus in her life. Actually, it's a really big focus in almost everybody's lives. A dating blogger is just more upfront about it and probably a little more curious. For me, it's about figuring out what it means to be in a healthy relationship, how to strengthen that emotional bond, etc. I'm looking to have a lot of fun. You'd be surprised how many people are kinda closed off from that. Personally, I think this is a total pro...but I'm obviously a little biased.
Have you ever dated a dating blogger? Have you dated another creative type that used your relationship to write/create/perform? What was that like? What did you learn?