Fall Brings Out My Whoremones

Fall brings a few things to get excited about: pumpkin spice lattes, boots, changing leaves and my ovaries going into hyperdrive. Let's just be honest. My whoremones are RAGING.

I've been single since May 2012 and I'm finally ready to sign up for one of those boyfriend thingys. I'm really not sure what I'm going to do when I find one. I'm hoping that relationships are like a bike and that I'll just remember how to relationship once I hop on. I mean, am I supposed to get him tagged or something? Do I set out a bowl of water for it?

There have been romances along the way, including one that was around for a little over a year. But I have definitely been single. It's just that I think the smell of pumpkin spice has an actual medical effect on the woman's body that causes her to want to be attached to the nearest testosterone machine with vaguely relevant feelings. My lady senses are on high alert. I just want to put my body up against someone's body for goodness sakes!

Fall has this amazing magical feeling. Although it's nearing the end of the year, the muscle memory of beginning a new school year every September makes it feel like the start of something new and exciting. Fall has some of the best holidays for coupling: Halloween (haunted houses and pumpkin patches) and Thanksgiving (TWO dinners.) There are a few more layers of clothes to strip off and the fabrics are soft and cuddly. You'll go outside less, which means you'll be staying inside more...and who wants to do that alone!

One of my favorite fall memories is sitting in the living room of my now ex-boyfriend and watching Heros (that should help put a time stamp on the relationship.) He had a great, airy apartment in Roscoe Village. We'd sit on the leather couch in the front room with the chill fall air wafting through the slightly open windows. His cousin's cat would usually be sleeping next to me. He'd have his arm around me and we'd laugh about how much he looked like one of the characters. Those moments are the most compelling reasons to have a relationship. I'd like more of that with someone else, please.

I want to hold hands and walk down tree lined streets sipping on apple cider and pumpkin spice lattes. I want to carve a pumpkin next to someone who smells of campfire and leather. I want to put on his sweatshirt and watch new seasons of TV together. I want to bake his favorite cinnamon spiced goodies and cook dinners that fill the house with something that smells like home. I'll even patiently watch football with you, if that's something your into, if you agree to throw the ball around with me during breaks. Not a euphemism...or maybe it is and I'm the best girlfriend ever...tell your friends!


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  • fb_avatar

    Love the title. Good luck with the bodies touching thing!! :-)

  • In reply to Howard Moore:


  • No wonder why you baked a big chocolate cake. :)

  • In reply to Margie:

    You win. Forever. Lol.

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