Corey Feldman 's Birthday Is My Favorite Thing Right Now

The greatest thing about Corey Feldman's birthday is everything that has happened since Corey Feldman's birthday.

Have you been following this? I can't get enough.

Here is the basic rundown.

First, this video was release early this summer. It was to launch Corey's new album and be a type of awareness builder for his new party business/Playboy mansion pipe dream. It is. I mean. It's just all the things. For starters, you know what will make a song seem super trendy and "right now" in 2013? Calling it Ascension MILLENNIUM. That's just right off the bat before you even press play on the damn thing.

Then, he threw a birthday party at what I assume is the house in the video. Women had to be pre-approved by Corey to attend and were only allowed to wear underwear. But, hey, free entry! Dudes could pay for varying levels of experiences, including something in a hot tub. Sigh.

There's a clear attempt at comparison between Playmates and Corey's Angels, but where Hugh Hefner had the Playboy Mansion, this is more like the RedTube Bungalow.

I'm sure the answer to both of those questions that I've conjured up in my imagination is pretty accurate.

Corey invited the super edgy Vice Magazine. They could only go if the article was pre-approved by Corey before publishing. This is that amazing story. Maybe read it with Ascension Millennium playing in the background?

That's when things started to get...oh...so...good.

Online reaction to the party was...eh...not the super positive cheers of praise and bone-a-tude that Feldman was expecting. I know, guys, who would've thought an 80s child star who's now throwing naked lady parties would be delusional or have an easily bruised, and yet still enormous, ego?

That's when Corey's team sent out a press release stating that this is all an example of cyber bullying...which clearly advocates for actual anti-bullying organizations didn't take too well. To make this even greater, Vice released a second (so amazing) article which chronicles the very direct and abusive attempts from Corey to actually cyber bully the Vice writer. Nearly the entire piece is simply reporting of fact. There's not even reason to offer any opinion, because it's just all so perfect on it's own. Except for one line...

...where Jamie Lee Curtis Taete, the author, writes my favorite sentence to describe anything:

Just to be clear, I am not attracted to Corey Feldman. He looks like what I imagine Courteney Cox's ghost will look like.

And there you have it.

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  • Yeah, Michael Jackson never molested Corey Feldman. I totally believe him after watching that.

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