Ask Ana: I've Lost Interest In Dating And The Chase

Ask Ana: I've Lost Interest In Dating And The Chase
( This is hysterical...and yet kinda fitting.

A few weeks ago, I received a private message from a fan asking the following: What if we've tried so hard to find The One and failed so miserably and been so thoroughly destroyed by that One that all energy has been pulled from the chase. What if now we are content to sit back, enjoy our drink at the bar and watch our friends chase while we cheer them on with no interest in joining them? Is this a permanent state?

Oh, boy, do I feel this.

Right now, you are thinking that you tried. And you tried hard. You probably did everything "right" and you are. It doesn't seem fair and it's not.

First off, I'm not convinced that there is only one person for you. Are soulmates a real thing or total bulls***? I think we form relationships based on timing and chemistry. No matter what, the person you first met will never be the same person you are with in five years or even five months. And that's a good thing. As people, we should always be growing and changing. From there, it's making the decision as a couple to grow together and evolve in complimentary ways.

If there is such a thing as The One and the person you believed to be that person broke your heart, that means they're clearly not The One. If they are your One, that would make you their One. That's how this whole soulmates thing works.

I feel you on this though. I am so rarely moved by a man. I'm attracted to few people and inspired by even less. When I see my friends flying from one crush to the next, there's part of me that's really envious. Being interested in someone fills me with so much electricity. That feeling is rare. That's because people like us jump fully into something or we leave it alone.

I think that's okay.

And, let's be honest, there may be some residual hurt feelings and bruised confidence from lovers past. Starting something new can be really scary, especially when there are memories of just how much it sucks when things don't work out. We put up these mental and emotional roadblocks to protect ourselves. We close ourselves off to possibility. Even looking at someone across the room and thinking that he's kinda cute can open up the door to all sorts of heartbreak foresight thoughts. Dear inner voice, CHILL THE FUNK OUT.

It's like getting a new pet. If things go like they are supposed to go, that furry little bundle of cuddles will have a much shorter life span than your own. Even when you are taking your brand new puppy home for the first time, you know that in 10 or so years you will go through gut wrenching loss. Even knowing that you will experience pain at some point, it's totally worth the decade of love and happiness.

No road is without bumps. The journey is always worth it.  Mark Twain said it best:

"Life is short. Break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile. Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

Is this permanent? I don't think so. Not if you don't let it be. In fact, use this eureka moment to propel you forward. Be the wind in your own sails. The spark in your own flame. Dig up your passions. Anything that you may have wanted to do, but always held yourself it. Bring down the personal guards you've held against yourself and your own intuition. We don't just build up walls against other people. We also silence ourselves. It's time to rediscover that light behind your eyes.

Allow yourself the freedom to be open. If you're content in your own solitude, that's okay. You don't need to apologize for that. Find something, anything, that makes you excited. Not just about love, but about life. Don't worry about chasing the next piece of tail. Chase life.

It will all fall into place from there.


Do you have a question that you'd like answered on Accidentally Sexy? Send me a note on Facebook.

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Tags: dating, relationships, The One

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