NSFD: Pizza Is The Ultimate Booty Call

NSFD: Pizza Is The Ultimate Booty Call
(sxc.hu)

This one is NSFD. So...if you are my D...do us both a favor and just turn it on around.

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The lines of friendship between men and women can so easily be blurred.

There is just something about this friend that intrigues you. You don't want to be in an exclusive relationship, but geez do you want to make out. And out of such lamentable lust, the "strictly doing it" duo is born. The sex buddy relationship is hard to pull off. You've got to find just the right arrangement. In my opinion, a sex friend should be just as easy and reliable as ordering pizza.

I love my relationship with pizza. Typically, I am a very healthy eater, but when the mood strikes, I know pizza will be there to give me what I need. It's a convenient and no-hassle option. When I call for pizza, it's never going to be too busy or ignore my call. It will always show up at my apartment, ready for a night of consumption.

Whether it's from a gas station or Giordano's, pizza is always pizza. You're never really going to be that surprised by how it looks or tastes. Yes, sometimes it's served on a paper plate and sometimes you eat it with a knife and fork, but it is always essentially the same set of flavors and textures. You can almost determine how delicious it will be by how bad for you it is.

And let's be honest: I am way more likely to call for pizza after I've had a few drinks. When it's 2 a.m. and I'm home alone playing a drinking game to "Bridezillas," I order pizza. There's just something about vodka that makes pizza extra satisfying. Suddenly, it seems like the best meal I've ever tasted. And pizza doesn't care. Pizza loves it when I'm drunk, usually saving a few greasy slices for the next morning.

Of course, I always feel a little guilty when I've eaten too much pizza. There are so many better options that my mom will approve of and that Cosmo tells me to eat. I mean, I've decided that I don't want pizza to be part of my daily diet for a reason. Yes, all the basic elements are there -- protein and vegetables -- but for whatever reason, when they're on a pizza it's just not quite the right nutritional match.

Until I find that live-in gourmet chef, however, I'm going to keep dialing for deep dish.

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Originally published on July 21, 2011 as a RedEye Page Four column.

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