The idea of a crush is terrifying. Even the word "crush" sounds like it would be miserable. It's not a "hug of attraction," instead it's what happens when you are run over by a bulldozer. Just. Ouch.
Like most things that are scary, crushes are also exhilarating. It's the same reason horror movies and Shark Week pull the crowds. We want somebody to catch our breath, push us past our comfort zone and a spark that changes us.
According to the chatter on my Facebook page, it seems that most people are always finding someone new to crush on. I think that's pretty exciting and I'm really envious. I seem to be a tough crowd. To me, a crush is not just a fleeting acknowledgment of cuteness, it's a genuine "I would date that dude(tte)." You admire them. And, if you get a date, you are stoked!
I remember exactly the last time I felt that. It was incredible. I enjoyed the process of getting ready for our date. The next morning at brunch with the girls, I didn't even want to tell my friends about it, because I didn't want to jinx it. That's a magical feeling.
To even get to that point, you have to make yourself completely vulnerable to rejection. There are so many risks involved. I live in constant fear of liking someone, them finding out and publicly yammering about how I'm the grossest. Needless to say, my dinosaur and Lion King loving self wasn't super popular with the six boys in my grade school class. There are some residual feelings.
What I've come to learn, however, is that rejection will not actually end your life. You get through it. It's not even that big of a deal. More than that, keep your chin up, buttercup! Why immediately jump to the "he's going to hate me" end of the story? He might think you are freaking fantastic. Go with that one.
Let's tap into that magic. I'm going to be bringing down some of these walls to allow myself to like-like some men. Who? We'll just have to wait and see.
On that note: who are these crushable Chicagoans? Send me an e-mail. I'm dying to know!
I want to get passed my fear of being vulnerable to men I find attractive. That seems crazy! So...here's my number...call me maybe.