A few years ago, one of my good friends and I were talking about the wide-range of guys I've dated. Looking at the greater body of booty, he asked "What in the world is your type?!" The answer was easy: "I like smart guys." Sure, they've come in a variety of packages: tall, short, skinny, chubby and, as we've previously discussed, a variety of cultural backgrounds. Of course, there have a been a few flubs, but, all in all, I find myself drawn to guys that can meet me on some mental level.
With each new guy I find myself exploring, I'm discovering what really makes me tick. Dating, in a lot of ways, is a path of self-discovery: how do you interact with people and who makes you better/worse. I haven't quite discovered the right equation yet, but I'm taking notes and crossing my fingers.
Understanding why guys have been attracted to me, however, is something new that I'm starting to examine. The fact is that I'm a bit of a paradox. I'm very social and involved in nightlife. I am in a constant search for fun. I like to get dressed up. Then, when you talk to me, you realize I've got a lot more going on. We can talk about art, books, science and all things geeky in the same conversation as Bassnectar, club openings and backstage passes. Brother Fred from Brother Fred's Neighborhood on KISS-FM recently wrote that it would be naive not to consider the mannerisms, behaviors and traits of the person before you and realize that you might share some of these. Are they pieces of you that make you proud?
TDH had major crushes on Lindsay Lohan and Mischa Barton. Not the Mean Girls or The O.C. versions, but the crazy "suffering from exhaustion" types. I used to always joke that I should probably be insulted that he was attracted to me. I've started to realize, however, that maybe I really should have seen that as a major warning sign. Shouldn't I be looking to date people that admire women with a bit of depth and less of a drug habit? The most frustrating thing when I stop dating a guy who has a history of these types of chicks is that after we are through they go right back to these girls. Although they get excited that my mix is pretty unusual, old habits die hard.
Essentially, I'm just looking for someone to match and inspire me. One of my favorite moments in dating someone is when they grab my hand and lead me through a crowded room. We're in this big mess together and it's sexy. We're each other's peace within the noise.
As I'm coming to a place where I'm ready to maybe find myself in a new relationship, I think I'm going to consider their past relationships as a factor. Obviously, we all grow, develop and change, but it's probably smart to understand who they've been spending their time with in the past year. It gives a good cross-section of what they value in other people and the type of coupling they want.
What do your exes say about you?