This story starts out with one simple fact: Connie Reyes, aka Marathon Missfit, is a bad ass. She looks sweet and talks really quiet, but she will cut you.
A few months ago, I went on my first post-TDH date and it went really well. Remember this guy? This is the story of how the best first date I had quickly turned into the worst date ever. And I do mean ever.
Although I wasn't that sold on the guy, the first date was fantastic, and he was so polite and thoughtful. I laughed more with this guy than I had with anyone in a pretty long time, so, even though I wasn't that into him, my friends all convinced me that I should continue to keep seeing him.
The second date also went well and by the third he had definitely taken the lead amongst suitors. He was good looking and creative. I just explained away my discomfort as part of dealing with my break-up. PRO TIP: Listen to your intuition. Don't feel the need to validate anything you are feeling. You are probably right.
Our third date was only meant to be a few hours during the day, because I had a party I was going to later that night. And I'm not "publicly appearing" with someone until it's taking a turn towards serious, and I'm not dating four other people. As we were about to leave, I got a text from Alek to come meet him and his friends at Trader Todd's. The date was going well, so I figured this might be a good opportunity to test the waters with some of my core PLTMF committee.
Here are a few things to keep in mind when meeting someone's friends for the first time:
- They are friends and not more for a reason. My date was clearly not cool with Alek. He kept trying to shake his hand really hard and weird things like that. If you have only been on three dates and have done little more than hold hands, you do not get to be jealous about my friends - my he has a girlfriend, I invited you out to meet him, friends.
- Don't get ridiculously wasted for no reason. Sure, we were at a bar and everyone was drinking, but, out of nowhere, this dude became really beligerent. This was the very first time anybody had ever met him. Actually it was the first time they had met anyone that wasn't TDH. I was actually embarrassed for bringing him.
- There is a place and a time for PDA. Groping me while I'm trying to intro you to my circle is not one. He actually pulled this during our second date as well. If I am not your girlfriend, if we have only JUST started dating, there is no reason to be crazily, physically possessive. We're talking literally bear-hugging me if I'm talking to someone. I was not ignoring him, I was not flirting with anybody. Also, trying to make out with me in front of my close friends at 5 in the afternoon is a no-go. I'm not in high school. My friends don't want to see that!
- Don't throw a big public hissy fit for unexplained reasons. After we left the bar, Connie agreed to drive him home and then her and I would go to our party. In the middle of driving, he tried to start a fight with me about my friends for something I'm still not clear on. THEN, he OPENED THE DOOR WHILE WE WERE DRIVING while trying to yell at me about something. At that point, Connie (I've never seen someone turn so gangsta in a flash), slams on the brakes, spins around and screams at him to get out of the car...peppering her speech with colorful expletives that most sailors don't know.
- After you have been kicked out of a car for behaving like an abusive douche, embarrassing the girl you've been on ONLY THREE dates with and insulting her friends, don't continue to text her random things that don't make sense about how you want to physically hurt her friends. No explanation really needed here.
- Oh and then, after all that, don't call her the next day and ask her not to write about it. Not apologize or seem to realize like you've done anything COMPLETELY BATS CRAZY, but rather just be worried about this story appearing somewhere. I'm not looking to slam guys...but this is an extra special exception. It's been over a month and I'm still totally WTF about it.
The upsetting part is that this whole episode was disturbing, similar to a short-lived relationship I had with a Chicago comedian. He was aggressive, possessive, jealous, extremely selfish and a terrible drunk. I jumped into an official boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with him way too fast. He fooled me and he fooled my friends, but within weeks it was clear that he had some very serious problems. The good news, however, is that I've obviously learned my lesson from that one.
Moral of the story: Wait. Don't jump into any physical or otherwise relationship with somebody until you've let yourself see them from several perspectives. Everyone is fantastic when they are putting on their best face and behavior. We all have a little bit of crazy in us, but allow time for any unallowable cracks to show. For me, those cracks are everything described above.