It's the holidays, folks. While I am currently having the time of my life, a new thought has struck me. Have I missed the opportunity to be the love of someone's life?
Let me explain. That position is still very much open for me. Some guy has the chance to be my life's greatest love. I couldn't possibly have experienced that yet...I've got to believe that.
It feels, however, that the older I get (and I'm only 26), the less likely it is to be someone's greatest love story. When breaking up with TDH, I told him I wanted to be that story, the center of that focus. We were celebrating our 6-month anniversary and he refused to recongize it as anything positive because, as he told me, he had "already hit six months with other girls he thought he would marry." Meaning that no matter what we did or experienced together, it couldn't be that special.
And that has haunted me.
TDH already lived with someone. I was going to have to marry him to even begin to stand out.
I understand that we all have our histories. But you should never have to compete with the past. I'm not willing to live in someone's shadow. The point of a relationship is the present and the future...any history you have together just strengthens this. Yes, each person has a specific place in your personal story, but when it comes to a new relationship the goal is to capture your whole heart, not just a section of it.
It seems that most people experience their first brush with love in college. Often it falls through, but it leaves a lasting impression. Is it possible, then, for any new partner to ever surpass that?
I recently found out that the first guy I was ever truly crazy about got married this summer. He was my first real boyfriend and the first guy to tell me that he loved me, although I never said it back. It was surreal to know that he was married, but I knew I didn't wish that it was to me. We broke up, because crazy about each other as we were it was still not the right fit. It was the most painful break-up I could ever imagine, but he's better and I'm better.
If you are ever going to find that earth-shaking love, you've got to believe that it is not in your past, but in your future. Are you still holding on to the ghosts of relationships past?
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