Sexy Rx: Scared Pantless

Sexy Rx: Scared Pantless

( My face tonight

Last Wednesday, Tracy Schmidt, the ChicagoNow editorial director, asked if I wanted to check out the media preview of the Tribune's Chronicles of the Cursed.  I always like to try out new things, so I first.  It went something like this: Ana walks to the entrance, Ana loses her GD mind, Ana turns around and goes to Big Star.

I've only ever been to one haunted house and that was the Casa De Terror in Madrid.  Let me just assure you that casa was in fact filled with terror.  First of all, I only speak enough Spanish to order in a restaurant, check into a hotel and make out.  No amount of saying "beso" was going to protect me in this situation!  Here are the few flashes that my mind didn't just completely black out: 1) a prisoner opens his cell door, backs me into a corner and starts stabbing the wall above my head, 2) the girl from The Exorcist jumps off her bed and chases me down a hallway that ends in a vampire, 3) the floors were really wonking and soft, so I fell about 85 times and my friend would have to drag me away from whatever spook was trying to murder me, 4) I saw a door that looked like it was backlit by daylight, I go into a dead sprint, kick it down, fall to my knees and start crying, 5) a group of Spanish teenages come out after me laughing and not at all scared by any of what just happened.

Needless to say, I've been scarred.

Well, I've been told I need to woman up and go to this Chronicles of the Cursed thing.  But since I OBVIOUSLY need to go with a big group of people that I can stand in the middle of the whole time, I've got a few tickets to giveaway for tonight. (Friday, October 15)

Your Sexy Rx:

The Spot: Chronicles of the Cursed, 560 W. Grand

Pick-up Line That Just Might Work: Can I grab onto you?  You look like you can handle yourself.

Who You'll See: Who the double hockey sticks knows!  The Devil? Crazed Murders? Me being dragged off by all my nightmares?

Romance Factor: 1/5...maybe you can find someone to partner up with while waiting in line?  I, however, will be too busy being blinded by terror and anticipation.

Couple Factor: 5/5...there is no better reason to squeeze someone tight.

Cinch the Deal: There is NO WAY either of you is going to want to turn around and go home alone.  Go get a drink.  Go see some stand up.  Go sing karaoke.  Go dance.  I really don't care what you do as long as you don't leave me by myself.


GIVEAWAY: Do you want to a) watch the spectacle that will be my breakdown, or b) actually want to go to a haunted house tonight?  I'm giving away two pairs of tickets on here and four individual tickets on Twitter to go with me to the Chronicles of the Cursed tonight at 7 p.m.  To win one of the two pairs, just leave a quick comment below on why you should be picked.  I'll notify winners by 5 p.m. today.  Don't forget to enter on Twitter for a chance to win an individual ticket.

Check here for the Terms and Conditions.


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  • Sorry I can't go (with or without you). However, I have cavorted around a haunted house with what must've been a long-lost cousin of yours. She bounded out of the actual exit she eventually saw so fast that she tripped on the way out and almost drew real blood. Me and my other cohorts first made sure she was alright...and then busted out laughing so hard we cried. (Sorry!)

    Have fun at the haunted house. ;-D

  • I'm an educator that is unemployed! I have been wabting to check this haunted house out but can't justify spending $20 on it:(. Hook me up please!!

  • Ana, would love to go by my BF and I are going out for a special dinner.

    What you need to do is let your eyes adjust to the dark and always be on your guard. Remember it is not real and if all else fails, just duck under the group and let them get attacked! Save yourself and leave the others behind till the end. Just don't go running and think you got a door and run into a wall, very unsexy :-)

    Good luck!

  • I would love to go. Halloween is my most favorite part of the year. I truly need a pick me up with some ghosts and walking dead since I got fired from my job today. How on earth do you get fired when you off work!! So please choose me,so I wont be depressed! Smile.

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