The most popular method of rebounding is to date someone new as quickly as possible. I'll even admit that this has been my preferred way of coping in break-ups past. I've come to realize, however, that this is pretty narrow-minded and, in the end, will probably just cause a repeat of the outcome and behaviors that started the rebounding.
Sure, jumping into it with someone else may help your self-esteem for a moment. It also helps you completely avoid any type of self-reflection. I promise you, there is a much more efficient way to win. Instead of latching on to someone/anyone/whoever/they've-just-got-to-be-mildly-attractive, use this rebounding momentum to come out a bigger, stronger, fuller you.
One of my exes once told me that the best revenge is to live a really good life...and after I dumped him I found out that he was very right...darn him and his awesomeness! I don't need (or want!) a relationship rebound, I'm working on a life rebound with three easy steps.
- Anything that you didn't have time for or you put on hold for your relationship, do it and do it all the time. Having a boyfriend took up a lot of energy and time. If I wasn't going to places he wanted to go, watching the things that he wanted to watch, listening to the things that he wanted to listen to, I was answering his phone calls, bbm's or texts. There was not much time for Ana. Now, I can spend time pulling together outfits and playing with my make-up. I exercise for 90 minutes daily and see my friends for spontaneous coffee or dinner. Geez, I sat in a coffee shop all yesterday afternoon and wrote this post! Whatever you do, use the extra time to improve yourself and increase your happiness. Get used to that feeling and don't give it up again.
- If there is anything you are unhappy about with your physical appearance, change it. I want my thighs to be more toned, my hair to be longer/healthier/stronger and my skin to be brighter. I've learned how to wear gorgeous, dramatic false lashes. I'm working on my posture, polishing my presentation and learning to be more graceful. Every day I look in the mirror, I smile that much fuller.
- Grow socially and professionally. You are single again. You don't have to take into account anyone's needs and desires apart from your own. Reacquaint yourself with your needs and desires. Meet as many people as you can. Identify exactly what it is that you want from life and make it happen. For me, this has seemed to just fall into place. It's as if everyone was just waiting for me to come back around. It's been the wildest, jaw-dropping experience. I'm stunned by how much further I've been able to go and how much quicker it has been happening.
After a break-up, transferring your addiction to another person really doesn't solve anything. It might give you a temporary numbness and I've read enough Cosmo to know that the rebound can turn into "the one." That, however, is the exception, not the rule. I firmly believe that you can't find that person until you have become the most complete version of yourself. Don't look for someone to save you, look for someone to enhance you. The only person who can save you is you.
I know I'm going to run into my ex...probably much sooner than I would like. The best thing I can do to prepare myself is build myself up so that no amount of hurtful words or behavior can bring me down. Am I there yet? No, but I'm working on it.
A recent conversation:
Friend: You look radiant. You look like you've lost a lot of weight.
Me: Yeah, all from my shoulders.