On Breaking Up: It $@%* Sucks

Allow me to bum you out.

I wouldn't rank this past Saturday among my top 5 favorite Saturdays.  This Saturday, my ass got dumped.

A break up feels like undergoing open heart surgery with an ax.  I have spent the past few days clasping my hands together, biting my lip, staring at my reflection...just anything to hold me steady.  I'm shell shocked.

Break ups feel like you are mourning someone's death.  Your daily routine goes from talking to someone several times a day, thinking about them when making your decisions, considering their thoughts and feelings to nonexistence and probably never having another full conversation with them again.  And really, it is a death.  This little utopian bubble that the two of you created, this intangible space of "coupledom," - us - has been extinguished.

I'm not going to go into exacting detail of who said what, but I can say that I'm in complete disbelief.  I went from feeling happy and so very lucky to being single within a week.  It feels like the weakest excuse to end what I thought was a very serious relationship.  And that just makes it hurt more.  Really?  It was that easy to toss it all away?  I was really, really wrong.

I recognize that I can be demanding and a bit needy.  I know that sometimes I let the stress from my life make me act crazy.  Sometimes inner Ana can't even believe what she sees Ana doing.  We all need to work to be better people.  And believe me, I know I was the worst girlfriend ever around Lollapalooza.  I wasn't mad at him, I was just mind-numbing jealous and so upset with myself for not having the means to join him.  I know I was being difficult.  Hopefully, through all my faults, I have something redeeming.

I feel foolish and empty and confused.  You can't tell someone you love them and at the same time walk away.  If you loved them, you do what you need to in order to work through things.  You figure out how to compromise.  If something is valuable to you, you do what you have to not to lose it.

Every dark cloud, however, has a silver lining...thank God that I won't have to name my first born "Kobe" anymore.

Filed under: Uncategorized

Tags: break up, relationships, TDH

Comments

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  • Girl, suddenly your tweets make sense. Can't believe it! Was totally rooting for the TDH, too. But, you're such a rock and there is NO doubt you'll be bouncing back. :-)

  • It is a painful experience; any sort of loss is! Just remember, you HAVE to be you and the man that is okay with ALL of YOU is out there! Don't settle! XOXO

  • I know firsthand how bad it sucks, so i'm sorry to hear you're going through a rough time. Everyday it gets a little better... You'll be OK in no time!

  • You said, "If you loved them, you do what you need to in order to work through things."

    In that statement, you will find a lot of the guides you will need to get through this time.

    The most important thing to focus on is NOT how much you were a hypothetical pain in the butt. Someone who is the best for you is going to find these traits darn right adorable.

    You were wrong about the situation and that's REALLY probably the hardest part about this. Aside from the heartache which really does, physically hurt...being wrong about anything just plain sucks. Let that be ok. You can be wrong and still be a wonderful person. How many great things came from being right all the time anyway?

    In this case, I think it's really great to give yourself permission to feel down in the dumps for a week or two. Then, you can focus on loving yourself...which is going to feel pretty awesome once you get used to that. You seem to already have a good handle on this-so even more kudos to you!

    It's a time of transition for you, which leads to new opportunities. If you need more ideas, laughs or inspiration, write to me anytime at: artofadvice@gmail.com

    I wish you the best in your new adventure. Spend time with people that love you so you can be reminded of how amazing you are-because...well, dammit, you gotta know somewhere inside of you that you are freaking awesome! If not, email me and I'll remind you as much as you need me to!

    XO's
    Rach

  • Aww, that made me cry. I am sorry for the loss but glad you do not have to have a Kobe in your life. Time will pass and life will get better.

    As we go through life these little lessons are just steps to help us grow. Eventually you will find a guy that can act like an adult and truly love you for who you are and all the crazy quirks and pet peeves you might have. You stay who you are and do not let anyone change you :-)

    Smile, give yourself and hug and step back out into the dating world and you will find your mister right. All your friends love you for who you are and so should the next man in your life!

    In the meantime, I wish the worst on that boy in his next possible relationship. He did not deserve you and you will find someone that does.

    *hugs*

    Brandi

  • Yes, it does suck. But don't focus on what you think you did wrong, because with the right guy all of your traits will seem charming and captivating. This just wasn't the right guy! You learn something from EVERY relationship...about yourself...about what you do/don't want in a guy. Take the learning and move forward, but give yourself some good grieving time first!!!

  • Ana, I feel your pain. Thank you for sharing the good and the bad of your relationship with TDH. I know that you will bounce back better than ever.

  • Ana, I'm sorry about the horrible Saturday but I have absolute faith that Ms. Anazon will bounce right back. She's an amazing human being -- and she'll find her way to happiness.

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