Ana Fernatt: The Boyfriend Whisperer


Tweet from the fabulous AllAboutKelli

Last night on Twitter, I came across something that really struck a cord (above).  I completely understand where AllAboutKelli, one of my favorite Twitter chickadees, is coming from...judging by the response, I think there are quite a few of us who understand.  My former flames haven't gone on to get engaged, but they have definitely moved on to much more serious territory.

I swear, I'm like the freaking boyfriend whisperer.  I'm that girl that a guy will take out on dates, introduce to his friends, tell all about their past and all of their deepest wishes.  It's clear that I am their "number one," but I am not their girlfriend.  Why?  Because the guy I tend to attract is a free-thinking, exciting man-about-town who could charm the spots off a dalmation...a seriously difficult catch.  A guy who has typically been hurt by someone, is very jaded and knows far too well just how great a single life can be.  Then, I show up.  After a few sharp comments and quick quips, their world is shaken.  Brains can come packaged with curves.  However...they are still convinced that they don't want a girlfriend...yet.  It's just too scary.

This has not always been a bad thing.  It means that I, also, don't have to be thinking long-term or really be that committed, although I usually am.  There's always a point, however, where it's time to move or setup camp.  Every time...and, I mean, every single time...when I finally get bored with him...the very next girl he dates becomes a super serious relationship that is "official" within the first week.  Why?  Because I helped them realize that being with someone can actually be fun!

It's hurtful that they clearly did not think they wanted to be a relationship with me and I'll spend hours thinking critically about myself.  The girl they're with is so boring...she's not very pretty...she's kinda tubs.  I just don't get it!  Yet...I kinda do.  I have two theories on this phenomenon.  1) Your first touch of "wow...this is really great...I could totally see myself with this person," is intense.  Most guys get scared, confused or nervous and would rather end it than face it.  2) They were ready.  You weren't.

Think about it.  Really think about it.  Do you wish you were the person they were with?  Really?  I'm going to bet no.  You broke up for a reason.  There was something that said "I don't want this forever."  You had other things going on in your life, other goals, different ideas. 

Even AllAboutKelli admits this to some degree:


Don't look back, girl.  He couldn't keep your attention.

Are you a "boyfriend whisperer"?


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  • Well, I've never been a girlfriend whisperer, as you've defined it, but I did have one girl try convincing me to propose. She thought I was the the ONE, but I wasn't convinced (I'm pretty sure I tweeted this to you many moons ago). That's another story for another blog post, however, if you choose to use my example, that is.

    Although I've never been the "girlfriend whisperer", I can imagine how annoying that would be. Even moreso if you were the one that thought your SO was "the ONE" but they didn't agree. But I look at it this way: you learn something from everyone you meet, but how you use that knowledge will help (or hurt) you more than anything else.

  • I thought that I had met the one - even moved to Chicago for it. Now he's with someone else, only months after our three year relationship ended. What I've realized is that shes so much more perfect for him that I was, and I loved him enough to know that. So I am probably the one before the one for him... but have to know that the ONE for me is just down the road.

  • Wait, dating Ana is the fast track to marriage, 2.2 children, and a mischievous but lovable golden retriever? This is news to me and my extensive collection of Lean Cuisine entrees for one (to be fair, the pepperoni French bread pizza ain't half bad and can easily be accessorized, i.e., extra pepperoni).

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