Can Guys And Girls Be Just Friends

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(sxc.hu)

Harry and Sally, Joey and Dawson, Ross and Rachel...can straight guys and girls ever REALLY be "just friends"?  I would like to say yes, as a matter of fact, I would LOVE to say yes.  Most guys that I've dated have had more gal pals than guy friends and it seems easier for me to befriend guys than girls.  So...it really, really sucks that I'm about to make the case that I am.

Yes, you absolutely can be just friends, however, at some point or another, from one side or another, the whole issue of dating/attraction/sex absolutely comes into play.  Men and women have an instinctual desire to hook-up.  The only cases where you are friends are if, a) you're not attracted to them, b) they aren't attracted to you, c) you grew up together and are like siblings.

This doesn't refer to acquaintances, because you can have a zillion of those.  I'm only talking about friends that you would go to dinner with alone or call regularly.  People with whom you share a definite emotional connection.

The only point where you can really, truly be absolutely nothing more than friends is if you've tested out the dating/relationship/sex waters and you've both come to the conclusion that it's not viable.  It can be for a million different reasons, but specifics are pretty irrelevant.  The only thing that matters is that you now have zero interest in taking your relationship further.

Lemondrop recently took the stance that an f-buddy should be added to this list.  I think the biggest and obvious point here is that an f-buddy is not in any way a "platonic friend."  If a person's influence or presence is detrimental to any past, present or future actual, committed relationship, they are not just your friend.  Not only are you pulling the rug out from under your own relationship by keeping an f-buddy in the backpocket for an anticipated break-up, but that is incredibly disrespectful to whoever you are actually dating.

As I said in the beginning, I have a good group of guy friends.  My best friend is my ex-boyfriend Kent, but obviously that hasn't always been a "just friends" situation.  Straight guys and girls can be friends, it's really important that we are...BUT, when you really think about it, have they ever, at any point, fell under the they're not attracted to me, I'm not attracted to them, or we've known eachother since Pre-K rule?

 

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On a lighter note, I'm "guest judging" a cocktail contest at Uncle Fatty's tonight (Tuesday, January 26) as part of The Winter Music Fest.

Reasons you should go:

  • Members of Sixteen Candles will be judging with me and I essentially stalked them through my 50Fests adventure this summer.  I can't help it!  Their set (along with Million$$Mano, Hollywood Holt and Flosstradamus) was the soundtrack to my summer!
  • There will be tiki-themed drinks being judged and you guys will get to try some samples!  Plus, tiki-themed just makes me think of The Brady Bunch Goes To Hawaii...and that's awesome.
  • It's only $5.
  • I promise to give you a hug!
  • I'll probably offer you dating advice...even if you didn't ask for it!

Doors open at 7 p.m. and judging action starts at 8 p.m.

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  • I wish I could make it to the event tonight =(
    Have fun!

  • I don't post often here, but I'll offer a "confession":
    I grew up around a bunch of guys (my brother; no females my age in my neighborhood; went to an all-guys Catholic H.S.), so experience tells me that I don't feel that I can be a "long-term platonic friend" with a woman due to the fact that I'm probably attracted to her. I've found that, in the long term, I can't stand being a "buddy" that she calls on when she wants male advice, or is bored / unattached and wants to hang out. If we're frequently doing activities that we both enjoy and we're both available, the rationale of staying just friends becomes less viable to me.

    If I'm not attracted to her, but help her out often cuz I'm a "nice guy", I find that she will at one time or another share that she's fond of me...and the friendship likely goes South after that when I don't feel the same.

    So, my point is that it depends on the upbringing of the two people that affects their platonic friendship dynamics.

  • I think a lot of it comes down to mind set. I am friends with a lot of females, more female friends than male friends probably. I'm not saying that the intial interaction wasn't one where additional interest was had in some cases, but for the most part that was never expressed and I remain very good friends with them.

    Then again I did join a sorority......

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