Worst Christmas Card Ever

For years, my parents would force the three of us girls to write our own year-in-review for the family Christmas mass spam.  We all hated it and the effort would usually result in my parents tearing out all their hair...just in time for the holidays.  Writing my portion of the stunning novella that is the Fernatt Christmas Letter felt like such an annoyingly repetivive task:

"I'm still at school in St. Andrews...yep, that's in Scotland...did you know Prince William is there?  We all call him P. Willy.  I'm getting a dual major in English and History of Art.  That's right, putting in tons of extra hours and probably not going to get a job out of it." 

Then, last year, I unexpectedly recieved my family card in the mail.  I hadn't given any input to this....my dad hadn't hounded me for an entry...awesome!  But.......then I really read it. (Hit the jump for this card in all it's glory.)

 

Family Xmas Card - USE.jpg

My neice (who's 8) and brother-in-law (who married into this) get to remain somewhat anonymous...everyone else can suck it!

The text on the 6x4 glossy Kodak holiday card reads thus:

2008 brought many moments to remember in our family.  We have a son as of March with the marriage of Ayla to (redacted - my brother-in-law).  Alicia graduated from ISU, (redacted - my niece) turned 7 & Ana, living in Chicago, adopted a bunny.

Yes, read that again.  My mother's summary of my 2008 was: Ana, living in Chicago, adopted a bunny.  Not only was adopting a bunny the focal point of my year, according to my mom, but she felt she needed to qualify it with "living in Chicago."  As if to say, "don't worry, there's still a chance this rabbit isn't a slippery slope into spinsterhood.  It's a slim chance, but the city is exciting, right?"

To be clear, in 2008, I finally got hired at a big PR agency career-type job, helped run a massive clean-up effort in New Orleans, moved to a new apartment and dated a ton...yes, mom, I had a FULL social calendar last year!  I called Kent to tell him of my mom's insufficient analysis of her lonesome daughter.  His reply, "Ana, you do talk about that rabbit all the time." Me: "I've had her for TWO MONTHS!"

Let's look at this card again...there is a picture of my little sister's wedding...there is a picture

Xmas Card Detail.jpg

Noticeably absent....!!!!

 of my older sister's graduation...there is a picture of my neice's birthday...and...there is a logo where my portrait should be!!!  My mom's response? "I didn't have a photo of the bunny!"

Over Christmas dinner, I vowed to my mother that I was going to do hugely awesome things in 2009 while writing her weekly updates so that she doesn't forget in December.  So...50Fests later, I'm Accidentally Sexy.

The copy for the Fernatt Flyer 2009 has already been drafted...tbd, on how my life pans out in this one.  My mom has asked that I send her a picture of myself in front of my fav Chicago scene...except I was supposed to give it to her last Friday...but I've been too busy talking to you guys!  I am in serious danger of being bunnied in '09!

 

What is your one line summary of 2009?

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  • this is all very tragic. i am so sorry about how your family represented you on their christmas card. i am starting a group on facebook to help raise awareness.

    i support your struggle.

  • Ana, you are a successful woman about town! Time for you to write your own (witty) Christmas spam detailing your fantastic life!

    My one-line summary of 2009: "Robert [my husband] joined the Navy, got to salute Robert Gates at his boot camp graduation and has been living at the home of the Blue Angels as of late; my year has been boring in comparison."

  • My one line summary of '09: "Steph Yiu is now friends with fabulous (and famous) Ana Fernatt."

  • In reply to stephyiu:

    My one line summary of '09: "Steph Yiu and Ana Fernatt are now friends with fabulous (and royal) Ian O'Dea."

    Heck, I'm even one of your REAL FRIENDS!

  • In reply to stephyiu:

    Hey Ana I started a #onelinerfor09 hashtag for ya on Twitter. some cute stuff coming in.

  • In reply to stephyiu:

    I think that Eeyore needs a fancy Christmas outfit, and then you girls can have your own badass Christmas card to distribute amongst family members :)

  • In reply to stephyiu:

    Adopting a bunny is super-cool!!! You should be proud of that one Ana!!

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