Victoria's Secret recently held an open casting call in Chicago for their next runway star. I couldn't go because I was...busy (read: hungover and 15 lbs heavier than I would want to be when auditioning for Victoria's Secret) I can't really give accurate critiques based on the photos that I saw, because I'm not a member of the FBI (Female Body Inspector). They seem to only employ creepers you see at the mall or state fair...and I think you're supposed to have a mustache. Anyways....I want to be a Victoria's Secret runway model and I think I'd be really awesome at it.
Dear Victoria's Secret,
You might think that this will just go away and I'll shut up about it, but I'm serious. I should totally be in your show. We can make this work!
- I'm tall.
At 5'10", I have a fairly lengthy stride. I was always the center in basketball and I don't need to stand on my counter to get things out of the cupboard. My nemesis used to call me "Anazon" when she was mad. When I found out about it, I loved it, kept the name and changed her from nemesis to bff. (Love you, Molita!) As a matter of fact, this blog was JUST ABOUT titled Adventures of an Anazon. Kent* dissuaded me, however, saying that it focused too much on how "freakishly tall" I am. Yes, he said those words. And, yes, he hides behind the several states between us.
Hey, whatever. All Amazons are warriors. Look it up.
2. I can run in heels.
No joke, this is a skill. At the peak of Spice Girl fever, I owned about 18 pairs of the most enormous platform heeled shoes. I had to have been at least 6'3" in them. I actually remember having to duck through the doorways in my parents' house. Whatever! Girl Power, ya'll. In any case, I would also play soccer at recess wearing these shoes and I still kicked badonkadunk.
3. My name is pronounced "Anna", but I spell it "Ana"...which apparently makes people think that I might be from Brazil and they get really disappointed when they find out I'm from Iowa and am half German/half Hillbilly. (I think in run-on sentences...welcome to my world.)
As I mentioned before, I met Kent via Facebook while looking for someone who had lived in Spain and went to a good college. At the time, I was working at a Latin America art gallery in River North, just moved back to the states from Scotland, was practicing my Spanish language skills and I'm told that I look very European. Kent has a thing for exotic, interesting women...and I apparently tricked him into taking me out. Whatever, sucker, we're going on four years! Also, it turns out he hadn't lived in Spain, but just visited for a week that summer...
4. Look at my banner...let's make sweet photoshop magic on that runway, Victoria's Secret!
But seriously...I can be runway ready!
If your PR people are worth their salt, you're going to come across this. My contact information is in the About Me section. Let's do this!
Very Sexy-ily Yours,
Ana the Anazon
P.S. You can also vote for the next girl here. I'm looking to be a write-in nomination!