We have a saying at our house: “If you’re explaining, you’re losing.”
So, I stand (actually sit) before you now, the world’s biggest loser, trying to explain what I think are three of the funniest things I ever said but that no one actually “got.” Well, one person got one of them.
Just… let me explain.
Funny Thing One) When I was in college I worked at a radio station doing the midnight news. I know! And the DJ who worked that shift, we’ll call him “Dave,” would try everything in his power to get me to trip up or laugh. He’d make faces, wave signs. Nothing worked.
Until, one night, when I looked up briefly from my copy to see Dave’s big hairy ass pressed up against the glass between the newsroom and the DJ’s studio. Of course I stumbled over my words. I mean, his butt was two feet from my face.
But! I recovered and finished up.
“Gosh, Kim,” he said afterward, in the bantery way of the DJ. ”You kinda messed up there. So not like you. What happened?
“I don’t know,” I replied. “Must be a full moon.”
Funny Thing Two) Then there was the time in the nineties when, as a crew member, we were put up at the Helmsley in New York. I know! This was shortly after Leona Helmsley allegedly made the statement, “Only little people pay taxes.”
To make the layover even more deluxe, when our van went kaput, they sent us a limo instead. I boasted to a friend of mine, “Limo-ed to Leona’s tonight, darling. Taxis are for little people.”
She didn't get it.
Funny Thing Three) Several years ago, a friend of mine was telling a story about someone who had a dog that was part Dingo. Every time I hear the word “Dingo,” I think about that weird case in Australia, but I kept listening anyway.
Well, apparently this part-Dingo dog ate the family’s guinea pig and, I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help myself, when she said this I shouted out, “A Dingo ate my Cavy!” in my best Australian accent.
But apparently no one in the crowd knew that “cavy” was another name for guinea pig and the third funniest thing I ever said ever was lost upon them.
Anyway, those are three of the funniest things I think I’ve ever said that no one “got.” Except for “Dave,” who “got” one of them.
We have another saying at our house.
Whenever someone says something like, “A funny thing happened today…” or “I heard a funny story… ,” we’ll reply, “You tell the story, and we’ll decide if it’s funny."
Or, maybe it’s just like what they say in baseball. Three strikes and you’re out.
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