The top knot bun trend: Ladies, please don't do this to yourselves

The top knot bun trend: Ladies, please don't do this to yourselves
Just... no!

There is a disturbing new women’s hairstyle trend developing. Perhaps you’ve noticed it as well. The bun directly on top of the head.  Directly on top. Not leaning toward the back. Not off to one side. Right. On. Top. The so-called top knot bun. What makes this trend so disturbing is that, from what I’ve seen, no one looks their best with a bun right on top of their head. No one.

On the #80 Irving Park bus the other day, there were no less than three women with buns directly on top of their heads. And I’m not talking about loose, gently pulled up hair. I’m talking about hair pulled up so severely they all had Joan Rivers eyes. And I’m not talking about messy buns, either, or large, loose cascading buns (cute!), but buns pulled together so tightly they made Felix Unger look abstract-random.

It’s like a muffin-top for the head, and I’m sorry, but it is one extremely unflattering hairstyle.  (PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Never, ever Google muffin top images. Ever.)

I tried it myself, putting my hair up in that exclamatory bun, just to see how it would look on me.

O.M.G.

Ladies, I beg of you, please don’t try this at home. I would have taken a selfie to prove to you the disastrousness of this hairstyle, but I didn’t want to be responsible for any more cases of PTSD, because mine will be bad enough. Shiver.

Most likely it was a celebrity who started this, someone beautiful and sexy who somehow, accidentally had their hair styled up in a bun like a one-eared Mickey Mouse, you know, if one of Mickey Mouse’s ears were right on top of his head, by some famous and revered Hollywood hairstylist with a one word name, like Donald.

Go ahead and Google Top Knot Bun Images. I’ll wait. (No really. It’s okay. Not like googling muffin tops at all, I promise.) Okay, here you scaredy cat,  I’ll link. Now. There are some incredibly beautiful women sporting top knot buns here, but I think we might be able to agree the Top NOTs Fergie, Kate Hudson and Kate Bosworth are wearing are just not their best looks.

Top knot or apple, steer clear of bow hunters

Why, this hairstyle could even be downright dangerous, say if it were sported by a redhead. What if she found herself in the company of a modern day William Tell? Or sitting in front of me at the theater on a day I brought my hedge clippers?

I guess what I’m getting at, finally, is that I don’t understand why women will follow a trend simply because it is a trend, even though it’s extremely unflattering to them personally. (Said the woman who owns several pairs of low-rise, muffin-top emphasizing jeans.)

I know. This is probably waaay TMI concerning A City Mom’s thoughts on muffin tops and buns, but you know me. I have a way of talking off the top of my head.

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Filed under: Fashion

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