Hey stupid retail store, Do you have YOUR A City Mom card?

Hey stupid retail store, Do you have YOUR A City Mom card?

“Do you have a CVS card?”

“Do you have a Jewel card?”

“Do you have your Staples, OfficeMax, Sports Authority, Petco, Petsmart, PetSupplies Plus, Awful Store You Only Get to Once a Year Card?”

How about this, annoying retail store: Do you have your A City Mom Card? Your Kim Strickland Card? Why not? You should.

Because maybe, unless you have MY card that you have to carry with you and show me every single time I darken the doorstep of your store, then maybe you don’t deserve my money. Maybe you need to be paying attention to ME. Because if you carried the A City Mom card, then you would know the only reason I showed up at your freakin’ store today was to by Miss Clairol Root Touch-Up for Medium Blondes and you assholes are out of it and now you’ve totally wasted my time.

Aren’t you supposed to be tracking me with your stupid stack of cards that makes my wallet look like a freakin’ six foot tall Dagwood sandwich (or, for those that prefer the key fob approach, makes your keychain look you should be selling paint swatches for Benjamin Moore.)? Then why don’t you have what I came in for every time instead of half the time?

And why is it, idiot retail store MBAs who’ve ruined most of America’s economy by shipping jobs over to China because it’s cheaper (Don’t worry, the husband says, We’ll get it right next time.) and the unintended consequences of that is that no one over here can afford to buy anything anymore because they don’t have jobs—those MBAs , why have you decided the first thing out of the cashier’s mouth when you show up at the register is, Do you have our store’s asinine card? Not Hello. Not Did you find everything you needed? But Do you have our stupid card? Before you’ve even begun unloading your soon-to-be-purchased items on the belt, the cashier is demanding the card.

Should I walk around the store with your card in my teeth, so it’s ready when you ask? As opposed to stopping the process of unloading (and at the grocery store, with three teenagers at home, this process is a marvel to behold) and annoy anyone in line behind me at the slow-down. Oh, I know, this is because it will give the bagger the opportunity to roll his/her eyes and say snottily, “I need your cart” even though it’s still half full of groceries I had to stop unloading so I could root around in my wallet to find your store’s stupid card and pull it from the Dagwood sandwich.

I think we all, as consumers, should have OUR own cards. Consumer cards. And if these stores want our business they need to keep each and every one of them behind the register at all times. And instead of the retail stores offering worthless coupons for stuff you just bought , which expire in, like, fifteen minutes, the stupid retail stores will simply earn the right to receive our money.

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Filed under: Family, Food, home, Shopping

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