Ten reasons you should NOT read this

Ten reasons you should NOT read this

1) It’s just a ploy

2) because somebody told me on the internet that lists are the most popular and get the most traffic and tend to go viral the most often,

3) but mostly negative lists, which is why I put “not” in the title

4) but since you’re here reading anyway, just like your City Mom told you not to

3) I can at least give you some useful information with other websites and people that make these lists all the time and who are way more better at it than I am

5) and who are also most likely way more better at grammar, too

6) and counting with numbers.

7) Did you see that back there? I mean honestly, why does Word do that when you add something to the middle of a list? It’s like it loses it’s effing mind and goes from 3 to 4 to 3 again, which can make you look like an idiot (even more of an idiot) if you don’t catch it when you’re proof-reading your fabulous list that you just know is about to go viral and get you highly paid for a commercial that will appear during the next SuperBowl, which reminds me I need to get my lime green suit back from the cleaners.

8) Really? Still here? Between you (both of you) and me, the only people still hanging in here at number eight, I have a feeling about this one. I mean, it’s a list and it’s negative, really, in just about every possible way, and it’s a blog and it’s got some useful information and it will make most people feel better about their grammar and also how they count with numbers.

9) The thing is, though, it’s rather intangible isn’t it, what makes stuff go viral on the internet. Sometimes it’s what makes us laugh ‘til our guts hurt or a dance like the Harlem Shake, or a song and a dance, like Gangnam Style. But why those dances? Why that song? There are lots of songs and dances on the internet—probably lots of songs and dances even more catchy than these. Same with funny blogs.

10) This is why we are so enamored with people and videos and songs that go viral. Somehow they’ve managed in their beginning and then ensuing moments to capture some magic—the imaginations or funny bones or something—that reaches into the human soul and grabs us, tickles our human spirit or makes it cry. Magic we want to share. And then of course there’s that all-American thrill in watching someone’s (an underdog!?!) “instant” celebrity take form. The divine intersection of magic and talent and luck.

11) I’ve been blogging for seven years now and every time I hit “Publish,” I wonder if maybe (and any bloggers out there who say this doesn’t cross their mind are just lying) this will be The One that launches me into the internet stratosphere.

12) and realistically, I know it will not, which is probably just as well. I look terrible in lime green.

13) and yes, I know this is reason number 13. But it's actually fourteen, you know, if you were counting.

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