Red is the "Gateway" Hair Color

Little did I know a year-and-a-half ago when I let my daughter get some red highlights in her beautiful dark brown-almost-black hair that “Red is the gateway color.” I mean, I was thinking, Oh a few red highlights. Mostly harmless! A fun, safe way for a teenage girl to express herself, get some cool props from her friends. (Do teens say things like “cool props”? I doubt it. Why am I still in italics? I don’t know.) Her colorist, Kat (My colorist, too, because everyone should have a colorist named “Kat.”) told us a few weeks ago when I let my daughter, for her fourteenth birthday, get her hair dyed with some Katy Perry blue highlights, Kat said, “Oh yeah. Red is the gateway color.”

Oh no! What have I done? A gateway color. I didn’t know red was going to be the gateway to anything. But now, already, my daughter has blue hair. Less than one year later. The next thing you know, she’ll be asking for pink hair! Green! Orange! Maybe all three! And this means of course that since she’s already started with a gateway hair color, then it will be on to other terrible and more dangerous things. Things like…Souping! I know! And this in turn will of course lead to other horrible teenage forms of rebellion, like commercial whaling.
PFffft. That’s a big fat raspberry I made special for everyone who’s ever given me the stink-eye for letting my daughter express herself with her hair, like the woman in the grocery store who made prissy face at my daughter's head. Because you know what, outrageous hair color is mostly harmless. (Except for maybe when we try to refresh the color by ourselves, without Kat (sorry Kat!) which we did at the end of last summer in the backyard. The red dye stains really badly (sort of  like my grammar, which stinks really badly) and the whole process was huge and terribly messy and when we were finally finished, her hair did look great but our backyard looked like we’d murdered somebody in one of our lawnchairs.)

Even though I'm all for self-expression, I do have to admit that if my daughter does ask for multiple colors my answer just might be “No,” because I really don’t want her to walk around looking like Nicki Minaj on a bad leopard hair day and you should go to The Sun UK page because there are some really hilarious examples of hairstyles gone terrible wrong. (Although I think it’s so totally unfair that Scarlett Johansson was grouped in with Donald Trump and Russell Brand, because I thought her hair looked pretty cute on her.)

Only time will tell if red hair coloring will lead to other, more dangerous color combinations, but you know what, if it does, I won't be too worried about it. However, if I every catch my daughter making judgmental, prissy face at anyone in the grocery store, now that will make me upset.


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