The world is supposedly going to end this December. This pales in comparison to other news I have been reading, worse than a zombie apocalypse worse than knowing there will be another season of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo”. We are in danger of an impending bacon shortage.
I cannot think of a scarier scenario, we might as well just cancel breakfast all together. A drought will be the end of us, what say you people who think global warming is not real? It just got real. I am going to start hoarding bacon. I might even raise some pigs, This simply will not do. In fact, whichever presidential nominee addresses and makes sure this does not occur will get my vote.
I know turkey bacon exists and it is fine but it is not the fine pork version we grew up with. What about pork chops and ham? I mean honestly now our holidays are in danger. We have to work on a solution to this issue straight away. All of our world’s great minds have to be proactive about this. There can be a solution I am sure of it.
In the meantime, I am going to only eat bacon from this point on. I must enjoy every last bit until there is not more. I will eat BLTs minus the L and the T and the bread will be more bacon. This is not time for panic, okay I am panicking a bit. I will take a deep breath but let us all come together like Hands Across America. Together we can!