Guest Poster, Patrick O'Hara: A World Without Bacon?

The world is supposedly going to end this December.  This pales in comparison to other news I have been reading, worse than a zombie apocalypse worse than knowing there will be another season of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo”.   We are in danger of an impending bacon shortage.

I cannot think of a scarier scenario, we might as well just cancel breakfast all together.  A drought will be the end of us, what say you people who think global warming is not real?  It just got real.  I am going to start hoarding bacon.  I might even raise some pigs, This simply will not do.  In fact, whichever presidential nominee addresses and makes sure this does not occur will get my vote.

I know turkey bacon exists and it is fine but it is not the fine pork version we grew up with.  What about pork chops and ham?  I mean honestly now our holidays are in danger.  We have to work on a solution to this issue straight away.  All of our world’s great minds have to be proactive about this.  There can be a solution I am sure of it.

In the meantime, I am going to only eat bacon from this point on.  I must enjoy every last bit until there is not more.   I will eat BLTs minus the L and the T and the bread will be more bacon.  This is not time for panic, okay I am panicking a bit.  I will take a deep breath but let us all come together like Hands Across America.  Together we can!

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Tags: bacon, blog, comedy, pork, shicago

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