Farewell to All My Children

No, I'm not throwing all my kids out on the street. Of course I'm talking about the soap opera that goes off the air today. Well, off the air as we know it. Sure, All My Children will be picked up by some cable channel, and will start where ABC left off. But it won't have Susan Lucci and, c'mon. No Erica Kane? Sorry, no AMC in my book.

We used to watch AMC all the time back in college. When it came on at noon, the student union would fill up, because we all had to know, Who is the crazy person in Adam Chandler's attic? The student population was so addicted, a DJ at the radio station I worked for at the time used to do All My Children updates every weekday evening.

I stayed with the soap intermittently throughout my adult life, watching it mostly when my kids were little, then getting updates from my babysitter as they grew older. I can say in all seriousness that eventually, all my children are what ended up keeping me from All My Children.

Sometimes I'd catch a glimpse of the show at the salon where I get my nails done [Melancholy? You're soaking in it.], utterly astonished at how creepily all the actors were aging, and by that I mean, like TV news anchors: skin stretched taut with too much make-up and faces rendered nearly expressionless by botox, which of course meant, as far as the acting went, little or no difference whatsoever.

ABC said AMC and One Life to Live (which at one point I started following, too, because when you have twin babies sometimes you just can't make it to the TV to turn it off) were too expensive to justify anymore and is replacing them with a cooking show and some other show that sounded so interesting I've already forgotten what it was about in the three minutes it's been since I Googled it.

It's the end of an era. Another reminder that the only constant is change. I suppose I'm part of the reason the show's getting cancelled, representative of the population that just doesn't watch anymore, because after all, who does want to see Erica get married for a twelfth time? I was thinking about tuning in today, for old time's sake, but my daughter's home from school and I need to get to the grocery store and...Maybe I'll just call up that babysitter, or my DJ friend, and get an update. Or, maybe not. Life with all my children is soap opera enough.


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