National Wear Someone Else's Shoes for a Day Day

Okay, so here’s the dealio. At ChicagoNow we have Blogapalooza once a month and we’re given a topic and we have one hour to write about it and publish a post. Yup, sixty measly minutes to finish the whole damn thing and this is our topic tonight. “Create a new holiday, or holidays, that you... Read more »

What your Yankee Candle scent says about you

Holy crap, did you know that there are over one-hundred-fifty Yankee Candle scents?! 150!! And even though I’m gonna make fun of a lot of them in this post, I want to preface this by saying if anyone who’s reading this works in the Yankee Candle HR department, please give me THAT job. The person... Read more »

Redken picks a transgender model. Are they F'ing insane?!!!

Redken picks a transgender model. Are they F'ing insane?!!!
Dear Redken, Holy crap, seriously? I just heard about what you did today. Are you insane?!! Choosing Lea T to be the new face of your hair-color line is just crazyyyy. Don’t you know that SHE used to be a HE? I mean what if people start to boycott Redken for picking a transgender model? And... Read more »

And POOF just like that my little angel turned into a GIANT crotchmuffin!

Hole. E. Shit. I don’t know WTF happened, but like two weeks ago someone flipped a switch in my little angel and he turned into the devil. I mean, no, at the time I didn’t think he was an angel because he did all sorts of annoying shit like wake us up in the middle... Read more »

Ahhhhhh, what MY perfect day would look like

1. Wake up at 10am, and I don’t mean like wake up at 7am and stay in bed for three hours. I mean my eyes don’t open and my brain doesn’t turn on until 10am, like my husband is downstairs cooking breakfast and wondering whether he should come up and put a mirror below my... Read more »

Volunteering with children and teaching them not to be greedy little douchenuggets

Volunteering with children and teaching them not to be greedy little douchenuggets
Okay, so I don’t know how it is at your house for breakfast, but I feel like every damn day I ask them what they want and they tell me and like five minutes later they look at their plates and they’re like WAHHHH, I didn’t want oatmeal!! Or WAHHHH, I wanted a bagel! Or... Read more »

In Defense of Monica Lewinsky

Mistakes I made when I was 22: 1. I went out with this total douchebag who said he loved me after about a week of dating and I believed him and said it back. 2. I drank too many strawberry daiquiris on ladies night and ended up hugging a toilet while my roomie held back... Read more »

Seven reasons to stop and think BEFORE you post THAT on facebook

Okay, so this morning I’m scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and the more I scroll, the more I’m starting to feel like shit. I mean all I’m seeing are these beautiful pictures that people have posted of their sparkling little love muffins looking all perfect and wonderful. Kids that have made the honor roll, kids... Read more »

Ten of the most terrifying HORROR stories taken straight out of mom’s day

Muhahahahahaha, it’s Halloween month, time to be scaaaaaary. And recently I saw this totally badass post that someone wrote based on the question “What is the best horror story you can come up with in two sentences?” I was like hells yeah, that is brilliant. So I thought, heyyy I’m a writer, I can do... Read more »

Holy crap do I miss doing ALLLLLL this crap

Okay, so once a month ChicagoNow (and if you don’t know WTF that is, just look up and to the right) has this totally stressful and sucky, uhhh I mean exciting and challenging event called Blogapalooza. We are given a topic and we have ONE hour to write a post and share it. Sixty measly... Read more »
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    Karen Alpert

    Karen is the ridiculously hairy, self-deprecating writer of the blog Baby Sideburns. She has spent the past fifteen years working for national advertising agencies until she was promoted to her newest favorite job— Mommy. She lives with her two amazing kiddos and a very forgiving husband who is kind enough not to call her Cousin It when she undresses for bed every night.

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